ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize