how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
