can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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