i think my mom watched the whole time
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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