I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
