im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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