I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
