Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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