first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
