If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
