I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
