you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
