White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
