Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize