Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
