I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
