how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
