My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
