i don't plan on having that self control this summer
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
