you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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