cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
