I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
