from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
