you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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