I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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