everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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