i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
