Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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