Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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