I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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