i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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