Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
