I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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