just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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