things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize