Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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