It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
