So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
