You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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