I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
