My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
