I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
