Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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