Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize