I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
