you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
