Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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