I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Four minutes until I can fart!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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