This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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