I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
