im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize