so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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