Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
