we have officially lost it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
