remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
