i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
