someone threw a dead crab at me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
