I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
