im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
