She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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