these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
