He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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