I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
