If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
