I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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