I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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