Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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