We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
