Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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