Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
