and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
