Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
