I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize