Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
