You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
