This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
